Lately, under the advice of a couple people, I’ve been trying to be more positive. For awhile it seemed to be working. The idea, was to “fake it (happiness) until you make it”, and eventually I would just be happy. Sunday was about the best I accomplished, but it was all fake, or maybe it was real, but just too quickly fleeting.

There is a hidden danger in just trying to be happy until eventually you are happy. If you don’t successfully make it to being happy, you crash back down into your depression and everything seems worse than it was before and with nothing accomplished. It’s as if realities elastic band is always there to snap me in the face, whether I’m good or bad, it doesn’t matter much.

My normal approach to dealing with these feelings has been too recede away from people. To disappear. I’ve been trying to resist this urge, but everyday the desire to just disappear gets stronger.

I’m going to try again to be positive again, perhaps my current feelings are only a set back. But I fear that when reality snaps me in the face with it’s rubber-band, yet again, I won’t be able to fight my primary instincts: just disappear.

Anyways, the picture. This is me. I’m a toy that people use for their enjoyment, getting more and more broken from neglect. Mostly though, I’m a toy you quickly forget about. Notice that I’m stuck to the ground, I have no chance of moving on, I’m permanent fixture. Also pay attention to the plastic smile…